Category: politics

The only union you support is the Major League Baseball players, because heck, they’re richer than you.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
together?
100 people who don’t do dick!

A ghost, a vampire and a zombie were off scaring little kids and then went to
a big house. A politician came out and the three monsters went off running.

Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?A: A competent liberal President.

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”

No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner!”

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

Pretty good, ” replied the veteran, “especially since this is a bus stop.”

GOOD:

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem – a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.” The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change. (And we used to just sell lemonade.)

BETTER:

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of Handcuffs.

BEST:

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball,” He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

Q: Name two words that have no meaning.

A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente.

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Thank you for coming in, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton.

So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, that’s 2.2 million and with the
customary 20 % down that’s $440,000 – leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000. Now
let’s have a look at your financial statement. Let’s see, Mr. Clinton you
are the President of the United States of course, and your salary is
$200,000 a year. We recommend buying a house that costs no more than two
and a half times your annual salary. That means you should be looking for
something around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick rancher. And I see here
that you’ll be out of a job in 6 months or so. What will you do then? Open
a library? In Little Rock? Arkansas? Wow, I bet that will be some kind
of moneymaker.

Mrs. Clinton, you’re running for the Senate, right? Senators are paid
$130,000 a year, assuming, of course, that you’re elected- so even with
your pension you’re still looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe
a nice center hall colonial.

Mrs. Clinton, you haven’t worked outside the house since 1991? But you did
some volunteer work I see. You tried to overhaul the entire national
health care system? I see. But no one was interested? But you have other
experience? Yes, I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas.
How about this Whitewater Development Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison
Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too. You actually did go
to Yale, you claim? A little bad luck with the law, too, I see. Three of
your business partners went to jail.

This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does after all,
affect your ability to pay: Any problems in your marriage? No, fine. Let’s
look at your assets: you owe $4.5 million, Mr. Clinton? How do you expect
to pay that off? You’re hoping people will donate to a special fund? So
basically, you’re relying on the kindness of strangers.

You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be
setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the
airfares. And she wants to go to medical school? Any legal problems? I
see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out putting your law
degree to work. Say, how do we know you’re not lying on your loan
application? Of course it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.

Are there any other legal matters we should know about, Mrs. Clinton? You
don’t think you’re going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction of
justice rap? But we’re not totally sure, right? That means there’s a
remote possibility- note that I say “remote”-that you could be trying to
pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour stitching
mailbags for the feds, while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a
library in Little Rock.

Let’s review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the other one
soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts
equivalent to over 22 times your annual income that you’re hoping someone
is going to come along and pay off for you. There’s a criminal indictment
looming in your near future. Your tangible assets seem to consist of an
old Ford.

We’ll give you a call.

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?

One got his head blown off in the back seat of a car, the other was
asassinated.

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before
him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips!”

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m
sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice.”

You’ve ever yelled, “Hey hippie, get a haircut.”

Voter: “The joke’s over, bring back Bush.”