Category: politics

Q: Why does Hillary Clinton often wear turtle necks when attending Bill’s speaking engagements?A: So you can’t see her adam’s apple move as he speaks.

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
“If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.”

“But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it.

“This is my position, and I will not compromise!”

Clinton and Gore,Gone in four!

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Bush asks: “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” Washington advises.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. “Tom,” George asks, “what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advises.

Bush isn’t sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It’s Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asks. Abe answers flatly, “Go see a play.”

Why did george bush cross the road?

Because his penis was stuck in the chicken.

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire
walks up to the VIP section and yells something; suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary
by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned
umpired shouts.

No, Mr. President! I said, ‘Throw the first PITCH!’

CLASSIC QUOTE: A quote from Sky News

“Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton,” UK defense minister
Geoff Hoon said in The Commons yesterday.
“He’s either never been to Southampton, or he’s never been to
Umm Qasr” says a British Squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr.
Another soldier added:
“There’s no beer, no prostitutes and people are shooting at us.
It’s more like Portsmouth.”

Q: How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. They like to keep him in the dark!

A newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss

I’m here to ask
As you’ll soon see —
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?

Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here or there–
I did not do that
Anywhere!

I did not do that
Near or far —
I did not do that
Starr-You-Are.

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?

And did you tell
the girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-You-Are —
I think that you
Have gone too far.

I will not answer
Any more —
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!

The public’s easy
To distract —
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!

Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did?A: A dead girlfriend.

Seems Ms. Lewinski went to her favorite cleaners the other day. She
said to the owner, “I have another dress for you to clean”.

Being hard of hearing, he replied, “Come again?”

“No”, Lewinsky said, “Mustard!”

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a ‘get acquainted’ tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. “Just think,” he said, “when I am President, I’ll have my own personal gold urinal!”

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President’s private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, “Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone.”

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four hundred and sixty-two:

• Twelve to investigate Clinton’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb,
• twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry,
• sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,
• thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs,
• fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,
• forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead,
• and two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything), on the Internet.