Category: politics

Co-president’s Hillary and Bill Clinton and Al Gore were in a car accident and died. They went to the gates of heaven where they appeared before God. God sat on his thrown, and told them that they must each step forward, one at a time, and give their name and what they accomplished in life to deserve to be permitted into heaven.

Al Gore approached God and said “My name is Al Gore, and I was the Vice President of the United States of America.”

God replied, “Well, that is very impressive, come on in.”

Then Bill Clinton approached God and said, “My name is Bill Clinton, and I was the President of the United States of America.”

God Replied, “That is even more impressive, come on in.”

Then Hillary approached God and demanded, “My name is Hillary Rodham Clinton, and what are you doing in MY chair??

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.

When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. “Ma,” he shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!”

“Honestly?”

The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw hell, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?”

Why does President Clinton invite so many ladies into his private study?

He wants to show them his executive branch.

During a political debate the politicians were asked to use the word
“fascinate” in a sentence.
The first one, a democrat, came up with an answer right away. He said, “One of
my hobbies is painting, and no matter if I paint with water colors, or oils I
always fascinate people with my work.”

The second politician, the republican, said “My grandfather was a magician,
and when ever he performed a trick be it with cards, or hoops, or magic balls he
would always fascinate us.”

The third politician, an independent, said “I don’t know if I can do that.”

The MC of the debate said, “Go ahead take a couple of minutes then give it
your best.”

The third politician thought for a while then said, “I know this gal, one time
she went to the store to buy a new blouse. The blouse had ten buttons on it, but
when she went to button it her boobs were so big that she could only fasten
eight.”

Rumor has it that Clinton has switched to smoking ciggarettes.

It seems he has decided that cigars are for pussies.

A US Congressman and his wife were fast asleep when a noise from downstairs woke the wife. “There’s a thief in the house.” she said, shaking her husband.

Groggily, the Congressman replied, “Well, maybe there’s a few in the Senate, but certainly not in the House.”

It has less than 550 employees with the following statistics:
� 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
� 7 have been arrested for fraud
� 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
� 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
� 3 have been arrested for assault
� 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
� 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
� 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
� 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
� In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up?
It’s the 535 members of The United States Congress; the same group that cranks
the laws designed to keep the rest of us in line!!

“POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS”
Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.

Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional.

Serial Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs.

Lazy: Motivationally deficient.

Fat: Horizontally challenged.

Fail: Achieve a deficiency.

Dishonest: Ethically disoriented.

Bald: Follicularly challenged.

Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated.

Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance.

Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled.

Worst: Least best.

Wrong: Differently logical.

Ugly: Cosmetically different.

Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.

Short: Vertically challenged.

Dead: Living impaired.

Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual.

Spendthrift: Negative saver.

Drunk: Chemically inconvenienced.

Pregnant: Parasitically oppressed.

Ignorant: Knowledge-based non-possessor.

While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found himworking studiously and sincerely at his table withoutgossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldomwastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he alwaysfinishes the given assignment in time. He is alwaysdeeply engrossed in his official work, and can never befound chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely novanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profoundknowledge of his field. I think he can easily beclassed as outstanding, and should on no account bedispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should bepushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management besent away as soon as possible.Branch ManagerA second note following the report:Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to you today. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7,… for my true assessment of him.

Why does Bill Clinton wear women’s underwear on his arm?

Because he is trying to quit.

Because the democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and
killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter
and asks ”Can I get into heaven now?”

He says ”Soon, I have some things to take care of.”

So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of
clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15
minutes. Hillary wondered why. Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked ”St.
Peter, What are all these clocks for?”

St Peter replies ”Each clock represents a man. Every time a man commits
adultry, the clock turns ahead 15 minutes.

Hillary asks ”Where’s my husbands clock?” St. Peter replies ”Oh, it’s in
God’s office, he uses it for a fan.”