Category: politics

How much can Monica Lewinski swallow?

One U.S. Liter (leader)

14> Impressing Jodi Foster 10113> Releasing Stress By Blowing Away Defenseless Animals: A Primer12> Paramilitary Chicks and How To Nail ‘Em11> Membership Drive 2000: Got Nutz?10> Self Defense: Fleeing From Difficult Questions, Parts 1 – 209> Knife-Throwing, Archery, and Axe-Wielding: Staying Occupied During that Pesky 7-Day Waiting Period8> Speed Reading and the Second Amendment7> Sports Hunting with Semiautomatic Weapons, Like the Founding Fathers Intended6> The Law and You: How to Kick a Liberal Pansy’s Ass — Legally!5> Do Guns Kill People, Or Do People Kill People? Who The Hell Cares, Let’s Go Shoot Something!4> Corvettes and Wife Abuse: Other Ways to Compensate for Your Small Penis3> Trigger Locks, Seatbelts, Fluoridated Water and Other Communist Plots2> Hollow Points: Analyzing the NRA Charter1> *Really* Concealed Weapons: You’ll Get My Gun Then You Pry It from My Cold, Dead Rectum [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White ]

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

During his visit to the USSR, Nixon was intrigued by a new telephone capable
of connecting with hell. He spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him
27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now
available in the US too. He tried it again and received a bill for $12,000.
Nixon was distressed.
– How come?! The same call only cost me 27 cents in the USSR.
– Well, said the operator. Over there it is a local call.

Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea’s new private school?A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

A doctor, an architect and a politician were arguing over the oldest
profession in the world.
The doctor said it was his job because Eve was created from Adam’s rib, a
surgical procedure.

The architect said it was his job because before that there was chaos and the
world was made from this chaos with an architect.

Then the polotician said “And who do you think caused all this chaos?”

13) Just tryin’ to impress the chicks.

12) NATO strategists were loathe to open maps of the area because refolding
them can be difficult and annoying.

11) “Kosovo?! We though you said KOKOMO!”

10) Bombardier still pissed off about his Yugo.

9) Chinese embassy “just too shiny to ignore.”

8) Pilot’s ugly little secret: never COULD hit those womprats back home in
Beggar’s Canyon.

7) Totally hammered after losing a game of “quarters” to Boris Yeltsin.

6) Canadian navigator busy extolling virtues of Celine Dion.

5) Pilot playing Kosovo bingo needed B5, not G2.

4) Forgot to adjust for weight of Slim Pickens.

3) Male pilots refused to stop and ask for directions.

2) General Magoo has no comment.

1) NATO headquarters dinner order for “take out Chinese” was grossly
misunderstood.

Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?A: He’s the stiff one.

Major Scandal during their presidency….
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

The President’s biggest fear….
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President…..
Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
Clinton: Carpet-Burns

Their Vice-Presidents…
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek.

Presidential qualities…..
Nixon: Couldn’t stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn’t stop kissing her.

Things the President couldn’t explain….
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase

Job titles….
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President

Slogans….
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan “Nixon’s The One”
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying “He’s the one”

Known for….
Nixon: Famous for his widow’s peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Acquaintances….
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot

Famous feats….
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho

Quoted as….
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her

Presidential Nicknames….
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: Tricky Dick

and finally, Presidential excuses….
Nixon: I am not a crook!
Clinton: I did not do nook!

Clinton: “I didn’t tell her to lie in the disposition… I was telling her to ‘lie in that position.'”

—–

Q: What was President Clinton’s reaction to the Abortion Bill?

A: He paid it.

—–

Q: What’s the difference between President Clinton and the Titanic?

A: Only 1,500 people went down on the Titanic.

—–

Newsweek polled over 1000 women and asked the question: “Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?”

97% replied, “Never Again.”

—–

Q: Did you know that Hillary Clinton just wrote a new book?

A: It’s titled, “It Takes a Village to Satisfy My Husband”.

—–

“I don’t understand all the fuss about Clinton. He’s just giving the people what they want; sex and Gore.” – George Okeefe

—–

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?

A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

—–

Q: Why is President Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?

A: He thought the Gaza Strip was a topless bar.

What’s the Difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?

One got his head blown off in the back of a car and the other one was assassinated.

A guy applies to the welfare office. They ask why he needs financial assistance.

“I’m having trouble with my eyes,” the man says. “I can’t see myself going to work.”