Category: politics

“The reason it’s always so difficult for this president to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three
different stories.”

~ Sam Donaldson

Q: Do you know why Clinton gave the Federal employees the day off on Wednesday?A: It was Secretaries’ Day and he was too cheap to buy his a present!

Don’t vote – the government will get in!

Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton, and George Washington were all on an airplane
looking out the door. George Washington says, ” I’m going to make somebody
happy” then throws a $20 out of the plane. Bill Clinton says, “I’m going to make
two people happy” then throws 2 $20’s out of the plane. Abraham Lincoln says,
“I’m going to make everybody happy” and throws Bill Clinton out of the plane.

Which video should I buy?

Help me out here.

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.

CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.

CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.

CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a bullshit artist.

TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.

CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.

CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.

CLINTON VIDEO: Let’s not go there.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.

CLINTON VIDEO: Monica’s forced to return her gifts.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.

CLINTON VIDEO: Monica doesn’t remember Jack.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.

CLINTON VIDEO: Monica…uh, never mind.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death.

CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary

10. “What’s Arnold’s poorly-worded plan to fix the economy?”

9. “Why is Arnold campaigning in St. Louis?”

8. “Will he govern shirtless?”

7. “Is he going to take a leave of absence if he becomes pregnant again?”

6. “Just to clarify — will he be back?”

5. “When is this Governor movie coming out?”

4. “Did Arnold get the egg I tossed to him?”

3. “Is this the Tom Arnold for Governor hotline?”

2. “Can you tell Mr. Schwarzenegger his steroid shipment has arrived?”

1. “What time is tonight’s group sex fundraiser?

Osama bin Laden has been captured by US forces early this morning after B-52’s
were seen bombing the area.
Apparently they dropped a load of Viagra and the prick stood up.

Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?

He couldn’t give her a pink slip without asking her to try it
on first.

It was the first day of school in marietta, georgia, and a new student named
suzuki, the son of a japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

the teacher said, “let’s begin by reviewing some american history. who said
‘give me liberty, or give me death?'”

she saw a sea of blank faces, except for suzuki, who had his hand up. “patrick
henry, 1775,” he said.

“very good! who said ‘government of the people, by the people, for the people,
shall not perish from the earth'”? again, no response except from suzuki.
“abraham lincoln, 1863.”, said suzuki.

the teacher snapped at the class, “class, you should be ashamed. suzuki, who
is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.” he heard a
loud whisper: “f*** the japs.”

“who said that?” she demanded. suzuki put his hand up. “lee iacocca, 1982.” at
that point, a student in the back said, “i’m gonna puke.”

the teacher glares and asks “all right! now, who said that?” again, suzuki
says, “george bush to the japanese prime minister, 1991.”

now furious, another student yells, “oh yeah? suck this!” suzuki jumps out of
his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: “bill clinton, to monica
lewinsky, 1997!”

now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “you little s***. if you say
anything else, i’ll kill you.” suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice,
“gary condit to chandra levy 2001.”

the teacher fainted. and as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, “oh s***, we’re f*****.”

suzuki said, “the taliban! 2001”

Q: Why should Republicans be buried 100 feet deep?

A: Because deep down, they’re really good people.

Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.

A Russian was falling from a skyscraper.
At the 40th floor, he was caught by a man:
man1) Say viva America!
Russian) Net!
Than the man letter he falls. At the 30th floor he was caught by another man.

man2) Say viva America!
Russian) Net!
Then the 2nd man dropped him too. At the 2nd floor hews caught again.
Russian) Viva America!
man3)Boo!@#$%^&*!
And he thrower him out the window.