Category: politics

This morning, National Public Radio reported that Monica Lewinsky had been in
an accident with her Sport Utility Vehicle. Immediately, four things came to my
mind:

1. She must have blown a rod.
2. Obviously, her driving sucks too.
3. It’s not the first time she flipped over something with a spare tire.
4. I wonder how badly THIS accident stained her dress?

A teacher asks her class ‘What is an tragedy?’ A boy says ‘Is it when my mum
runs me over?’ The teacher says ‘No, thats an accident.’ The boy says ‘is it
when a bus full of people goes over the cliff?’ The teacher says ‘No, thats a
great loss’. So the boy says ‘Well, it must be George Bush being killed by Bin
laden.’ The teacher says ‘Well done! How did you work that out?’ The boy says
‘Well its not an accident and its not a great loss!’

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips!”

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a choice.”

Once the Indian prime minister Mr.Rajiv Gandhi wanted to visit Ethiopia and he
was successful in implementing his plan and he flew to that country,there he was
very pleased to hear from the President that they can have a call to heaven for
just 3 minutes at a charge of just 2 bucks.Rajiv Gandhi was very much pleased
and he called his mom then his grandparents and every one.Soon after his trip he
summoned all the Indian scientists and ordered them to build a telephone such
that he can call every one from his own country, after one month the scientists
came with the solution and Rajiv made the first call to heaven but the cost for
3 minutes was just more than 300 bucks so he summoned all the scientists and
asked them why the charge is so high, it is only 2 bucks in Ethiopia for which
the scientists replied that from Ethiopia it is just an local call but from
India it is an ISD.

The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.
The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.
So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass,
I’ll Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!

How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in eventually.

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,
when George W. said, “I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.”

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, “Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, “See! That guy was really stupid!”

“No kidding,” replied George W. “There was a pay phone just around the corner…
You could have called instead?”

Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as half empty?A: Teddy Kennedy.

PRESS RELEASE:

Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary

President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:

CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
– 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
– 600 GROUND TROOPS,
– 6 FIGHTER JETS.

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
– 2 CANOES,
– 6 MOUNTIES,
– AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

Bill and Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. “Bill, Bill wake up.”Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, “Bill, Bill wake up.”Bill finally wakes up and says, “What do you want?”Hillary responds, “I have to go use the bathroom.”To which Bill says, “Please tell me you didn’t wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom.”Hillary says, “No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot.”

It’s still the economy.And he’s still stupid.

While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at Camp David the housekeeper
was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn’t been gone for more
than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of its cage.

The housekeeper knew the first family would be desolate at the loss of one of
their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly
every pet store in Washington. After nearly two days of looking non-stop, she
came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird.
As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had
previously been owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of
ill-repute. The housekeeper replied that no one would ever know and she took
the bird back to the White House.
The morning after the Clintons return to the White House, Chelsea walked
through the room and the bird said, �Too young.”
A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with, “Too
old.”
Late that afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, “HI,
BILL!”