Category: politics

Dear Special Interest,

Congratulations on the purchase of your genuine Government OfficialTM. With regular maintenance your Government OfficialTM should provide you with a lifetime of sweetheart deals, insider information, preferential legislation and other fine services. Before you begin using your product, we would appreciate it if you would take the time to fill out this customer service card.

This information will not be sold to any other party, and will be used solely to aid us in better fulfilling your future needs in political influence.

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Thank you for your valuable time. Always remember: in choosing a Government OfficialTM, you have chosen the best politician that money can buy.

One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton, and an EXTREMELY religious guy who’s only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.

The plane crashed and Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to Hell, and Bill went to heaven–temporarily for 20 minutes.

On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, “Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary”, and Bill Clinton replies… “Sorry, buddy, you’re 15 minutes late!”

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador

* Fall semester crop of interns just starting White House duty!

* Investment in Rush Limbaugh’s radio show paying off big time!

* Al Gore not finished washing stains out of oval office carpet.

* Two more annual “Vodka Hummer” weekends already scheduled with Boris
Yeltsin.

* Free Adult Cable at the White House.

* Just spent $350.00 on “Seasons Greetings from the White House” holiday
cards.

* Bimbo access tunnel beneath White House just nearing completion.

* Needs more time to remove smut from White House Personal Computer.

* Approval rating still soaring high (according to the latest correctional
facility polls).

* Hillary said no!!

The “Right-Reverend” Jessie Jackson has added former Chicago democratic
congressman Mel Reynolds to the Rainbow/Push Coalition’s payroll.
Reynolds was among the 176 criminals excused in President Clinton’s
last-minute forgiveness spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-
half-year federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud and lies
to the Federal Election Commission. He is more notorious, however, for
concurrently serving five years for being involved with an underage campaign
volunteer.
This is a first in American politics: An ex-congressman who was
involved with a subordinate, won clemency from a president who was involved with
a subordinate then was hired by a clergyman who was involved with a
subordinate.
His new job? Youth Counselor!

Mr. DOLE was being interviewd by MTV and they popped the famous questoin,
“Do you wear boxers or briefs?”

“Depends.” says Mr. DOLE.

What was the first thing Monica Lewinsky saw in Washington?

The executive branch.

When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom:

“The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position.”

The president was awakened late one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

“Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself,
“There’s good news and bad news.”

“Oh no,” muttered the president. “Well, let me have the bad news first.”

“The bad news, sir, is that we’ve been invaded by creatures from another
planet. ”

“Geez and the good news?”

“The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and piss oil.”

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, about
presidential politics. Finally, the neighbor asked me why Joe was such a
dedicated Republican.
Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both Republicans and he was
carrying on the family tradition.

“That’s it?” said the exasperated neighbor. “What if your father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?”

“Well…” Joe replied, “I suppose then I’d be a Democrat like you.”

Ex-President Clinton is currently writing a new National Anthem.

It’s called, “Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy.”

The Doctor, The Famer and the H.M.O. executive die and are met at the Pearly gates of Heaven by St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the Doctor, “you took care of the sick and dying while on earth, you are welcome to enter Heaven”.

St. Peter then speaks to the Farmer and tells him, “while on earth you nourished and fed the people, you are welcome to enter Heaven”.

Then St. Peter looks over at the H.M.O. Executive and says, “you can come in for three days”.