Category: politics

Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?A: One–she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Bill Clinton is sitting next to a White House intern one day at a
gathering. The President says to her, “Would you like to come to the Oval
office and see my clock?”

She says, “No, Mr. President, I don’t think so.”

The President replies, “Please. I’d really like to show it to you.”

“No, Mr. President, I really can’t.”

“Come on. Come and see my clock. It’ll only take a minute.”

“All right. If it won’t take long.”

They go to the Oval Office. The President sits down, unzips his
pants, and pulls out his dick.

The intern says, “That’s not a clock, it’s a cock.”

To which the President says, “If you put two hands and a face on it, it’s a
clock sweetheart.”

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the
menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, “Are you ready to order?”

Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.”

“A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of
your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea. I’ll come back when
you are ready to order from the menu.”

She walks away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, “It’s pronounced quiche.”

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.” So they laid off the night watchman.

A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell.There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, “Well, Jack has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.”The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model. The stunned guy asks “What’s Bill Clinton doing with that model?” The devil replied, “Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life.”

If the Clinton’s divorce before 1996, who will get the house?

Saddam Hussein called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you
because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of
America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a
beautiful banner.”

Clinton asked, “What was on the banner?”

Saddam responded, “It said Allah is God, God is Allah.”

Clinton said, “You know, Saddam, I’m really glad you called, because last
night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more
beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on
every building there was also a beautiful banner.”

Saddam said, “What was on the banner?”

Clinton replied, “I really don’t know…. I don’t read Hebrew.”

If character is not an issue, why isn’t Ted Kennedy president?

After much arguing and deliberation, historians have come up with a phrase to
describe the Clinton Era. It will be called SEX BETWEEN THE BUSHES.

Why are Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski going back to court?

Because Monica coughed up more evidence.

President Bush was representing the United States of America on a highly
formal, orchestrated state visit to England.

Air Force One stops at a bright red carpet along which the President
strides to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century
coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses.

The coach proceeds through the streets of London en route to Buckingham
Palace, the Queen and the President waving to the cheering throngs.

Then suddenly the right rear horse produces a thunderous, cataclysmic fart
that reverberates through the air and rattles the doors of the coach.

Uncomfortable, the reaction of the two powerful figures is to focus their
attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

But, the Queen is the first to realize that ignoring what had just happened
is ridiculous. She explains, “Mr. President, please accept my regrets —
I’m sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot
control.”

President Bush replies, “Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another
thought — you know, if you hadn’t said something, I would have thought it
was one of the horses.”

Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?

A: “Sat on the Presidential Staff”