Category: politics

Honk if Bill Clinton says you’re rich!

Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike?A: Both aren’t as successful when they’re not on grass.

Bill & Hillary Clinton host a large bipartisan dinner party in their personal
residence quarters at the White House, including a number of current and former
members of Congress, former Presidents Carter, Ford and Bush, along with former
Vice Presidents Mondale and Quayle.

After the introductory speeches during dinner, Vice President Dan Quayle
excused himself to use the bathroom, one adjacent to the First Family’s. After a
couple of minutes, he returns to his seat, looking rather smug, but says nothing
to his wife at the time.

After the dinner, as the Quayles returned home, Dan turned to Marilyn and
said, “Did you know Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom? How can he
pretend to be serious about cutting the budget after buying that?”

Marilyn’s initial look of shock turns to a sly grin as she turns to her
husband and says, “We’ve really caught him with his pants down this time! As
soon as we get home, why don’t you call up the paper and give them a little
‘insider’ information, dear?”

“That’s an excellent idea, Marilyn!” says Dan to his lovely wife. “You know,
sometimes you’re just too smart,” as he leans over to hug and give his wife a
quick kiss on the cheek.

The following morning, after the morning editions of the papers have been
delivered to the White House residence, Hillary Clinton opens the newspaper over
breakfast only to see a bold headline stating “CLINTONS SPLURGE ON SOLID GOLD
URINAL SAYS QUAYLE” Shaking her head, Hillary smirks and shouts up to the
bedroom, “Bill! I think I know who peed in your Saxophone!”

14> Raided TopFive.com for planning the publication of a detailed list of recent Secret Service busts.13> Arrested 194 people last year for trying to board domestic flights with sharp tongues and pointed criticism.12> Converged on the Pennsylvania Avenue Deli after someone entered and announced, I have come with my order for the liter of hummus!11> Detained a white, Midwestern-bred New York City cab driver — just because.10> Arrested 50.01 percent of the voters for dreaming of a day when George W. Bush isn’t president.9> Courtney Love arrested for coming within 500 miles of the president because, let’s face it, that chick’s just kooky.8> Confiscated millions of portable music players after JohnAshcroft overhears his kid exclaiming, iPods are da bomb.7> Detained and interrogated every NFL team scheduled to oppose the Patriots this fall.6> Questioned Ozzy Osbourne on suspicion that his unintelligible blather was actually relaying al Qaeda-specific code.5> Detained 84-year-old Winnie Mae Davis at LaGuardia when her monogrammed knitting bag raised the suspicions of an alert security guard.4> Motorcycle stunt fans across the nation were rounded up after a Google search revealed an underground Web ring of subscribers to an Axis of Evel Knievel.3> A small band of first-graders was detained for questioning after agents overheard a destructive plot directed at London bridges.2> False alarm: It was just the Bush twins in the East Room playing Spin the Iraqi Prisoner again.1> After years of undermining the current administration, Martin Sheen and his shadow government were finally taken down. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

The reason it’s always so difficult for this President to tell the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three
different stories.
–Sam Donaldson

If the President could convince every woman in America that the Bible says
oral sex is not adultery, he’d even have my vote.
–Newt Gingrich

What’s wrong with extending my probe? The President did the same thing.
–Kenneth Starr

The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire
Grand Jury.
–Monica Lewinsky

Shouldn’t the President be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster?
–Marv Albert

The President should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find
the real person who had oral sex with the intern.
–OJ Simpson

If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore
she didn’t have sex with the president, I’d never get any of my own work
done.
–Vernon Jordan

The president should take up skiing.
–Al Gore

If you’re looking for me this week, I’ll be in the bunker.
–Saddam Hussein

Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door
is locked.
–George Stephanopoulos

In last week’s Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win
one for the zipper.
–Madeliene “Aunt Bea” Albright

“I said lick the erection not wreck the election!”

“I said lie in a different position, not lie on your deposition!”

10. Truly an eager beaver

9. Uses too much teeth.

8. Stays late, comes early

7. Excellent oral dictation skills: has never missed a period.

6. Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy load

5. Frequently complains of jaw pain.

4. Although not a whiner, tends to be a moaner.

3. “In Box” is always clean and shiny

2. Tends to blab on the telephone

1. This intern might suck, but she doesn’t inhale.

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if
anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy”. One little boy stands up and
offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street
and a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a
cliff, killing everyone involved…that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.

“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of
a tragedy?”

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an
airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, that would
be a tragedy.”

“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be
a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly
would be no great loss!”

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells,” There’s a horses ass” A guy gets up and punches him.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, “There’s a horses ASS.. He then got punched again.. So he says to the bartender, “What is this Clinton country..” The bartender says no, “Horse country”

The late takuji yamas**** will be admitted to the bar posthumously, almost a
century after being denied based on his race in 1902. the only other dead person
in the united states practicing law is senator strom thurmond.

There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.

Well, here’s the answer: It’s simple. nobody bothered to check the oil.

Didn’t know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical.

All the oil is in Alaska, Texas, and Oklahoma,
and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

“There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel
persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel
like a woman in their country.”