4 Docs and GW Bush!

4 Doctors were talking shop one day…

An Israeli doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor said “That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor said, “In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said “Hah!
We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day!”

The Top 14 Hidden Items in the New U.S. Budget

14. $12,500 for 535 subscriptions to “Cigar Aficionado”

13. $75,000 for “Environmental Cleanup” (Oval Office Scotchguard Applicator)

12. $1 million for research to determine how to pronounce “Slobodan Milosevic”

11. $18 to renew Jesse Helms’s subscription to Spice Girls Magazine, buried in the Senate food budget under “Condiments”

10. $129,112 for maintenance and upkeep on Animatronic Al Gore

9. $150,000 Senate basement renovation, including tunnel to Hooters

8. $50 million for Independent Counsel to begin investigation of any Democrat who might ever consider running for president

7. $150,000 for formaldehyde IV for Strom Thurmond

6. $15 for Buddy’s new leash, and $150 for Bubba’s, under “Budgetary Restraints”

5. $18,500 for a new pick-up truck for Janet Reno

4. $10,000 for funding of the Annual Tip O’Neill Memorial CornDog-eating Contest on the Senate floor

3. $1.29 to get Arafat his *own* tin of Altoids

2. $2 billion offer for New Jersey to leave the United States — no questions asked

1. $50,000 toilet seat? Check. $85,000 lug wrench? Check. $40 million porn novel? Check.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

Clinton’s wish for world peace

Clinton is on the beach at Martha’s Vinyard and finds that an old bottle has washed ashore. When the Prez opens it a very wan Genie snakes out.Genie: Hi Bill. I’m a very weak genie, so I can only grant you one wish–it had better be easy if you want me to do it.Clinton: I pray for world peace. Give me that.Genie: That’s a little hard, give me something easier.Clinton: Make Hillary into the most beautiful woman in the world?Genie: World peace it is.

Presidential Food

One morning Al Gore and George Bush were having brunch at a restaurant.

The attractive waitress asked Gore what he wanted and he replied, “I’ll have a bowl of oatmeal and some grapefruit.”

“And what can I get for you sir?” she asks George. He replies, “How about a quickie?” “Why Governor!” the waitress says, “how rude – and you’re not even president yet!”

As the waitress storms away, Gore leans over to Bush and whispers, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’.

The Top 12 Election-Related Headlines

12> Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: “Will & Grace” Now Banned in 11 States11> Bill O’Reilly Holds Public Hearing in Pants10> Ann Coulter Sprains Gloat Muscle9> Doctors Alarmed as Kerry’s Face Droops More Than Usual8> W to Bush Sr.: “In Your Face, Old Man!”7> Mary Cheney Marries Her Lesbian Partner in Massachusetts6> Bush: Victory “Supercauliflatulistic!”5> Democrats Lose Bid to Control White House, Congress, Bladders4> Newspapers Across Country Suddenly 35% Thinner3> Bush Restrung for Second Term2> States Now Look to Ban Same-Sex Massages1> Bush Reaches Out to Dems, Extends Middle Finger [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

Green Egg On His Face

(A way to explain the Clinton situation to your kids)

The Bubba of Scuz
And the Bimbo of Loo,
were sharing a pizza
with nothing to do.

They sat and they talked,
Although little was said.
So they dabbled in
bumblefunumpus instead.

(Which cannot be explained
and is never polite)
Whether done in the daylight
or darkness of night.

But the Bubba of Scuz
was a Loyalty Scout.
Which meant that with Bimbos,
funumping was out.

The Loyalty Scouts
(an unusual breed)
thought that telling the truth
was the best of good deeds.

If ever you slipped
into trouble so deep
that you thought that a lie
was the best way to keep

your brains in your head
and your seat in your pants,
a Loyalty Scout would say,
“Don’t take the chance!”

A Splonger named Ken
had been watching the glade,
where the Bubba and Bimbo
funumped in the shade.

“At last,” said the Splong
(a responsible guy)
“I now have what I need
to entice him to lie.”

The Bubba of Scuz
was then pressured to tell
of the things he had done
in the glade by the dell.

“Did you yert with palookas?
Or miff some goopats?
I heard that you fleegered
a blooper with gnats!”

“I have done no such thing,”
said the Bubba of Scuz.
“Those things aren’t the things
that a Scuz Bubba does.”

“But what about Bimbos?”
Inquired the Splong.
“Funumping with Bimbos
is equally wrong!”

“I never funumped
with the Bimbo of Loo.
If you say that I did,
what you say isn’t true.”

Except that it was,
bringing Bubba up short,
when the Splonger named Ken
made his final report.

So take this advice
when you’re feeling ashamed.
Stick to the truth
or you’ll wind up defamed.

The Loyalty Scouts
will muster you out.
Your good friends will wonder
what you are about.

And history’s scribes,
remembering you
will skip all the good
you endeavored to do.

Like the Bubba of Scuz
who, ’til history’s end,
will be linked to his Bimbo
and the Splonger named Ken.