Category: politics

Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?A: Gennifer.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

Broiled Missionary: $25.00
Fried Explorer: $35.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , “Why such a price difference for the politician?”

The cook replied “Have you ever tried to clean one of them?”

Sung to the tune of “Day-O” (The Banana Boat Song)

Day-O…oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where you’re hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA…
Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sam’s pissed, he ain’t no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home

Top ten names for Ben & Jerry’s new Presidential ice cream:10. Impeach-Mint9. Candy Pants8. Hyperactive Nuts7. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilla6. Pantsachio5. Subpoena Colada4. Horny Bubba Crunch3. Peppermint Fattie2. Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry SwirlAnd the #1 name for the new Presidential flavor…1. Captain Cream

You fax the FBI a weekly list of “Commies in my neighborhood.”

During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, about
presidential politics. Finally, the neighbor asked me why Joe was such a
dedicated Republican.

Joe told him that his father and grandfather were both Republicans and he was
carrying on the family tradition.

”That’s it?” said the exasperated neighbor. ”What if your father and
grandfather had been horse thieves?”

”Well…” Joe replied, ”I suppose then I’d be a Democrat like you.”

Irish police are being handicapped
in a search for a stolen van
because they cannot issue a description. It is
a Special Branch vehicle and they
do not want the public to know what it
looks like. (The Guardian)

Police reveal that a woman
arrested for shoplifting had a
whole salami in her knickers. When asked why she
said it was because she was
missing her boyfriend. (Reuters via The
Manchester Evening News)

After being charged �20 for a �10
overdraft, 30-year-old Michael
Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed
poll to “Yorkshire Bank PLC Are
Fascist Bastards”. The bank has now asked
him to close his account and Mr.
Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p
balance by cheque made out in his
new name.
(The Guardian)

Notice seen in the Church town
Parish Magazine: Would the
congregation please
note that the bowl at the back of
the church labeled “For the sick”
is for monetary donations only.

There must, for instance, be
something very strange in a man
who, if left alone in a room with a tea cosy,
doesn’t try it on. (Glasgow
Evening News)

A young girl who was blown out to
sea on a set of inflatable teeth
was rescued by a man on an inflatable
lobster. A coastguard spokesman
commented:
“This sort of thing is all too
common?” (The Times)

At the height of the gale the
harbormaster radioed a coastguard
on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind
speed. He replied that he was sorry but
he didn’t have a gauge. However if
it was any help the wind had just
blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)

Commenting on a complaint from a
Mr. Arthur Prudery about a large gas
bill a spokesman for North West Gas
said:,� We agree it was rather high
for the time of year. It is possible Mr. Purdey
has been charged for the gas used
up during the explosion that blew his
house to pieces.” (Bangkok Post)

Q: If The Clinton’s were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents?A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro’s acquaintance in the 6th grade.

News Release: Teacher Arrested

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” Ashcroft said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like ‘x’and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘there are 3 sides to every triangle’.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?A: None. The democrats do that.

Q: What do you call eight consecutive days of office sex?

A: Hanukkah Lewinsky!