Category: politics

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks…………
Hillary says to Janet, “You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill….and there’s no telling where he last had his pecker.”

Janet responded…”Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s “politically correct” for ugly), doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.”

Hillary asks, “Well how do you deal with the problem?”

Janet says, “Whenever I feel that a guy’s getting ready to make a pass me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart I can.”

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him…..so, she tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and asks, “That you Janet?”

A guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her
room and start to discuss prices. She says, “It’s $100 for a blow job, $200 for
straight sex, and $250 for a Monica.”

“What’s a Monica?” he asks.

“That’s where I blow you now and screw you later,” she answers.

Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours?

Clinton was showing her the proper way to take dictation.

Which president called his mistress “Pookie”?

Bill Clinton

Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore are in a spelling bee. Who wins?

Al Gore, he’s the only one who knows that “harass” is one word.

16. Tax code allows deduction for one hostage takeover/standoff per family, per year.

15. Every Thursday: 2-for-1 drinks at Hooters!

14. Nobuddy shuld be descrimnated aginst, less’n he’s from New York (or is otherwise Jewish or Muslim or somethin’), or is just kinda dark or differ’nt in some way.

13. Barbecued ribs are legal tender for all debts.

12. Congress shall make no law restricting the size of hats or belt buckles.

11. Citizens to receive one vote per gun owned.

10. Constitutional amendment requires 2/3 majority of both houses of legislature. Either that, or Tom Landry’s say-so.

9. The right to bare breasts, but only on cable, dammit — not in real life.

8. Vegetarians count as 3/5 of a person.

7. Freedom of religion: you can worship the Cowboys *or* Willie Nelson.

6. Civil disputes that cannot be resolved in court shall be settled by a chili cook-off.

5. Freedom of Delusion.

4. No citizen will be charged extra for gravy on French fries.

3. Cold beer cans can be used as “testicular temperature regulators” when operating a motor vehicle.

2. State bird: Raised middle finger.

1. You have the right to `e on the cover of Trailer Park Trash Magazine.

Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR?A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.

Its christmas everyday at congress,its loud,expensive,and theres turkeys everywhere!

CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

“For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world,” Clinton said. “Today, the United States must finally stand up and say `Enough.’ It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble endeavour.”

The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Movement by the State Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of “E’s,” will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities. Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.

“My God, I do not think we can last another day,” Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. “I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just one `E.’ Please.” Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: “With just a few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is my dream.”

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L’s, S’s and T’s.

You’ve ever said the phrase, “Civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties”.

Did you hear Saddaam Hussein killed his wife??

yea, he looked up her skirt and saw a Bush!

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, “Help, Help.”

Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life.

After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, “Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!”

The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, “I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?”

“You bet!” said the President, “I’ll sign the papers this afternoon!”

Then the second fellow said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me in?”

“You bet I can,” said the President. “I’ll sign the papers for it this afternoon, too.”

After a few moments more, the third fellow said, “I’d like to know, can you get me buried in Arlington National Cemetery?”

Clinton, a bit startled, thought for a second or two, then said, “Sure, but tell me, aren’t you awfully young to be thinking about such things?”

“Nope,” replied the remaining fellow. “Because when I get home and tell my old man what I did today, he’s going to kill me!”