Category: politics

Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling
needs to be painted.

16. To avoid confusion, staff reverts back to referring to Madelaine Albright by name.

15. New “doggy door” makes it that much easier to sneak out a midnight run to McDonald’s.

14. At long last, Bill won’t have to flinch *every* time he hears “Bad boy.”

13. President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else’s yard.

12. “Bitch” label now somewhat ambiguous.

11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.

10. New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.

9. Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading “Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr!”

8. Shouts of “Come!” from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.

7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the White House Pug-Ugly List.

6. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.

5. Roger Clinton no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.

4. Cries of “What a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.

3. To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.

2. “Get that horny furball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President.

1. Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find complimentary Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.

You know why Monica Lewinsky would make a great NFL Kicker?

Because, she doesn’t choke on the long, hard ones!

Monica Lewinsky entered the White House to see Clinton’s personal
secretary.

Hey, if that’s what he wants to call it.

He usually calls it his Chief of Staff.

Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who
was his wife’s half sister?

Thomas Jefferson

From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:

10. If the dress ain’t a mess, he won’t need to confess

9. The economy’s great, let the White Boy skate

8. If the Bitch didn’t spit, you must acquit

7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal

6. Lewinsky’s a whore, and Bill’s better than Gore

5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses

4. He cheats on his wife, but it’s his personal life

3. Bill can’t tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr’s proof

2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky’s just easy

1. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral

Ever since Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, the White House
interns can only come from four colleges: Oral State, Ball State,
Moorehead College and Bringham Young.

A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?”

And he replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with ‘If Elected I promise…'”

A liberal came upon a genie and said, “You’re a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?” The genie replied, “Yes, but only if you’re feeling generous enough to share your good fortune.” The liberal said, “I’m a liberal. I’m always happy to share.” The genie said, “O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I’ll give every conservative in the country two of it. What’s your first wish?” “I would like a new sports car.” “O.K., you’ve got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What’s your second wish?” “I’d like a million dollars.” “O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What’s your third and final wish?” “Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”

Romantically-Challenged — not with somebody at the moment
Rustically-Inclined — redneck
Sanitation Engineer — garbage man
Sexually-Focused Chronologically-Gifted Individual — dirty old man
Socially-Challenged — geek or nerd
Specially-Perplexed — drunk
Target Equity Group — vocal minority
Uniquely-Coordinated — clumsy
Uniquely-Fortuned Individual on an Alternative Career Path — loser
Vertically-Challenged — short
Visually-Challenged — blind

A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called “the George Bush Watch” and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says–“you are suppose to read his lips”.He then looks at a watch called the “Ross Perot Watch” and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him “it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run . . .”He then notices a watch called the “Bill Clinton Watch” and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies “$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax . . .”

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.