Category: politics

Vote Democrat… It’s easier than getting a job.

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Newt Gengrich were on their way to meet the wizard
of OZ.
When they met Al Gore asked for a brain, Newt asked for a heart, and Bill
asked “where’s Dorothy?”

Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1?A: For spare parts.

Clinton’s favorite instrument is not the saxophone.

Its the whore-monica.

NEWS FLASH – GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT!

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded
that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an
eleventh commandment.

They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the
wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the
same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their
brain-storming and came up with the 11th.

After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should
be:

“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

THE DEBATE

CLINTON: Whenever I have a problem involving civil rights, I ask myself what Lincoln would do at a time like this.

DOLE : Mr. President, I knew Abraham Lincoln. He was a friend of mine. And Mr. President, you’re no Abraham Lincoln.

Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?A: He came dressed as a two-term president.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics

now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.”

Today’s headline read: “Clinton Probe Expands”.

It turned out to be a direct quote attributed to Monica Lewinsky.

An American delegation is being shown around a Russian factory. Two workers
are carrying a big and very heavy pipe. Suddenly one drops the pipe and they
start a conversation. One of the Americans says:
– I understand Russian a little, I’ll translate you. The first one says that
he had sex with this pipe. The other one says he had sex with the first man,
oral and anal as well, and with the factory’s main engineer, and with each
representative of the factory’s administration individually!

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, “I’ve got another dress for you to clean.”Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, “Come again?””No,” says Monica. “Mustard.”

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.