Category: politics

What’s the difference between the Titanic
and President Bill Clinton?

Only 350 women went down on the
Titanic.

You’ve ever said, “I can’t wait to get into business school.”

A survey was taken of all the women in the United States. The
question was, “would you have sex with the president?” The
results were:
2% yes!
12% no!
86% not again!

10 – “Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies” by Fleetwood Mac

9 – “Afternoon Delight” by Star Land Vocal Band

8 – “Your Cheatin’ Heart” by Hank Williams

7 – “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places”

6 – “Jive Talkin'” by the Bee Gees

5 – “Honesty (is Such a Lonely Word)” by Billy Joel

4 – “(You Can’t Hide Your) Lying Eyes” by The Eagles

3 – “Ocean Front Property (in Arizona)” by George Strait

2 – “I’d Lie to You for Your Love” by The Bellamy Brothers

1 – “Devil with the Blue Dress” by Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels

9. Can only be used to buy bad disco CDs and his & her matching track suits.

8. Radical economic change dramatically affecting all of Europe actually noticed by the American press, despite it lacking the suffix “-gate.”

7. When you tilt the 20E bill, Hitler winks.

6. Greek sandwich company sues over the more than coincidental naming of the new currency.

5. Proclaimed by Bill Gates as “much softer than the dollar for ass-wiping.”

4. Pressure from Germany and France results in pictures of David Hasselhoff on the 50E bill and Jerry Lewis on the 100E.

3. Using pay toilets now referred to as “Euro-Peein’.”

2. The Swiss refuse to be swayed, choosing to remain on the gold tooth standard.

1. A different Spice Girl in each corner!

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

Under certain conditions, U.S. taxpayers are required to file an estimated income tax return. A friend of mine is so upset by this that he sends his in without either name or address. His reasoning? “If they’re gonna make me guess how much I’m gonna make, then they can guess who the hell sent it in.”

Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton’s election?A: It’s gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!

A man and a woman are driving down the same road at the
same time. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window, points and
yells, �PIG! �.
The man immediately leans out his window, shakes his fist and shouts back,
�WITCH!”.They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner,
he slams into a pig that had wandered into the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this seems worse than usual.”

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, “Officer, what’s the hold-up?”

The officer replied, “The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we’re taking up a collection for him.”

The lobbyist asks, “How much have you got so far?”

The officer replies, “About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning.”

Did you hear that the lab finally determined
what was on Monica Lewinsky’s dress?

It was Big Mac sauce.

Bill and Hillary are laying in bed sleeping. Bill’s sound asleep Hillary
wakes up abprutly and starts shaking Bill and shouting his name. Bill
says, “Hillary! What do you want?!” Hillary says, “I have to go to the
bathroom” Bill says, “Why do you wake me up for that?” Hillary says, “I
want you to save my spot”

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President.The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:Dear God,Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, those corrupt politicians deducted $95.00.