Bill and Hillary Clinton are on a sinking boat who gets saved first?
The nation.
Category: politics
Clinton one-liner
The good news about Clinton’s health care is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.
Politicians don’t inhale…they just suck!
Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners?
A: Politicians don’t inhale…they just suck!
Christmas Snow
One christmas mourning Hillary Clinton looked out her window to find someone
wrote Hillary sucks in pee on the snow. So she called the police and they told
her they would do tests.
The following week the police chief came back and said that he had bad news
and worse news. The bad news is it is Bill’s urine and the worse news is it is
Monica’s hand writing.
Congressional Question?
If the prefix “con” is the opposite of the prefix “pro”, then is “Congress” the opposite of “progress”?
Politically Correct Statements
10) He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
9) He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He does not get lost all the time; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
7) He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
6) He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
5) He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
4) He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
3) He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
2) He is not a bad dancer with no rhythm; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
1) He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
Little Wanky
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the
presidency, “Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you
please comment on this.”
“The truth is,” replied the politician, “that she has a big mouth.”
Clinton one-liner
Bill Clinton virus – System makes lots of noise, but nothing happens.
When asked how Paula Jones
When asked how Paula Jones compared to Monica Lewinski, President Clinton
responded “Close, but no cigar.”
Falwell and Clinton Share a Flight
Jerry Fallwell was seated across the aisle from President Clinton on a
recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came
around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which
was brought and placed before him immediately.
The attendant then asked the Reverend Falwell if he too would like an
alcoholic beverage. The minister replied in disgust, “Ma’am, I’d rather be
ravaged by a brazen whore than let demon liquor touch these lips!”
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I’m
sorry…I didn’t know there was a choice….”
earthquake
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit
Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The
country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to
start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.. Other Latin American countries are sending
supplies.
The European community (except France) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.
God Bless America!
Paula’s Nose Job
Hillary says, “Bill, the press is saying you lent money to that girl for plastic surgery.”
Bill says, “You see how they twist things? What I said was that I blew a wad on her face.”