Category: politics

Have you ever wondered why Bill Clinton’s penis is bent?

Clinton’s penis is not bent, it’s straight. It just looks bent, because the rest of him is so crooked.

While undressing for bed one night, ol’ Bill notices something like a red rash
around his penis.
Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!”, and makes a point of
getting to his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day.

“Doc,” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, you know. What is it, and
how do I get rid of it?”

The doctor says, “Well, I’m not exactly sure what it is, but take these pills
for a week, and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we’ll try
something else.”

Bill takes the pills for the week, but unfortunately, the red ring is still
there after 7 days. He goes back to his doctor and tells him the pills didn’t
help.

So the doctor prescribes another medication, capsules this time, and gives him
the same instructions. Take them for a week, and come back if it’s not improved.
Bill takes the capsules for a week, and damn, the red ring is still there.

So he goes back to his doctor and asks, “What next?”

The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time. Rub this on every day for a
week, and let me know.

Bill goes back in a week and says, “Great news, doc! The rash is gone! That
stuff in the tube was wonderful! What was it?”

The doctor replied, “Lipstick remover”.

What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?

A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

• So many of our politicians want to be known as miracle workers — it IS a miracle when they work. But that’s not entirely fair. Most do put in a good day’s work — every week.
• And look at Clinton, personally responsible for a resurgence of religion in America. Never has the phrase, “Oh my Dear God !!!” been heard from so many, and so often, since he took office.
• And y’all wonder how these guys get caught in so many scandals ? Hell, haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘exercise discretion’ ? Politicians think it involves some kind of physical effort.
• For those not in the US, we can watch a lot of the proceedings on TV now. In fact, that’s how I stay so slim. I tune in often and just let my flesh crawl.
• As for all these campaign contribution charges and counter-charges, it just proves once again that the United States currently has the very best President and Vice-President that money can buy.
• People outside the US often wonder how you become a Republican. Well, two ways generally, most are because their Fathers were before them; others are because their Fathers were Democrats.
• Congress polices itself though. One representative banked five times his salary in just two years. He’s currently being investigated to see what in the world took him so long.

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a
free state,
the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be
infringed.

– The Constitution of the United States of America
Amendment 2, 1791

Monica was going through her jeans and guess what she found?

A wad of Bills.

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.”
Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50 bills and make two people down below happy.”
Of course Clinton doesn’t want these two candidates to outdo him, so he pipes in, “I would instead take 100 $1 bills and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.”
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can’t stand it anymore, comes out and says, “I think I’ll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy.”

What has four legs and smells like fish?

Clinton’s desk.

Russians asked Japanese to design a new department store. Japanese came up
with an idea that all what are needed is just a huge building and two people to
work in it.
– How’s that only two?
– One at the front door, to say: “There is nothing available!� And the other
one at the exit: “Haven’t we warned you?!”

A police officer who was “sitting” at a stop sign, watched a man roll through the intersection without stopping. He pulled the driver over and requested to see the driver’s license and registration. The driver asked, “But officer, why’d you stop me?”

“Didn’t you see the stop sign back there?” the officer answered.

“You didn’t come to a full stop.”

“But I DID slow down,” replied the driver.

“But you didn’t STOP — it’s a stop sign,” the officer insisted.

“But I DID slow down,” the driver stubbornly argued.

“But it’s not a ‘slow down’ sign … it’s a STOP sign,” argued back the officer.

After going back and forth with this several times, the officer became agitated, grabbed the driver by the neck and dragged him out through the open window. He then began to kick him and beat him with his night stick.

After several kicks and whacks, and the driver’s panic-stricken screaming, the officer politely asked, “So do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?”

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

Did you know that Bill Clinton really was supportive of Monica throughout
thier tryst?

He kept telling her, “Chin up young lady, chin up.”