Category: politics

PRESS RELEASE:

Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary

President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th
with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime
Minister Chretien issued the following statement:

CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
– 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
– 600 GROUND TROOPS,
– 6 FIGHTER JETS.

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
– 2 CANOES,
– 6 MOUNTIES,
– AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

14> In your wedding vows, “love, honor, and cherish” were replaced with “legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom.”

13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.

12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.

11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.

10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.

9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.

8> You casually mention your “Euthanize the Homeless” idea and — BANG! — no sex for a month.

7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let’s get to the mall and buy something!

6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they’re “diverse.”

5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.

4> At the height of passion, cries out, “Tax me!!!”

3> It’s bad enough that he looks like an extra from “Deliverance” — now he can’t keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.

2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, “Fur is murder!”

1> She’s got the kids playing “Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans” again.

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

During his visit to Washington, Blair was intrigued by a new telephone that Bush had installed in the oval office, when asking about it Bush said it was a direct line to hell. Blair spoke briefly with the devil, and the call cost him 27 cents. When he came back home, he found out that this same service was now available in GB also. He tried it again and received a bill for �12,
000. Blair was obviously distressed. – How come?! The same call only cost me 27 cents in Washington. – Well, said the operator. Over there it is a local call.

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she takes it to the
dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of
hearing.

Monica said,”I need this dress cleaned.”

The man said, “Come again?”

Monica replied, “No, it’s just mustard.”

Did you hear about the politician who dreamt that he was making a speech and woke up to discover he was.

You’ve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?A: To tax the chicken.

10. Thought Dean would give the most dynamic concession speech

9. Howard Dean reminds him of Jimmy Dean, who makes them breakfast sausages

8. Only way to counteract freight-train success of Kucinich campaign

7. His support could get Dean popular vote, for what that’s worth

6. Judgement clouded by Melana not selecting Adam on “Average Joe”

5. Dean promised to totally be his best friend forever

4. Wants Howard Dean to do for America what he did for Vermont…whatever the hell that was

3. Maybe it was the eleven vodka gimlets

2. The dart hit Dean’s name

1. As a doctor, Dean has a legitimate excuse for fondling interns

Bill: “Have you heard my last speech?”Hillary: “No, I didn’t know it was the last one!”

Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern?

Practice.

What is 3 inches wide, 8 inches long, and hangs in front of an a******?
bill clinton’s tie

Q: How is Clinton’s health care reform a lot like his haircut?A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.