Category: politics

10> Size Doesn’t Matter, Right Guys?

9> Because Todd Bridges and Dana Plato Aren’t Eligible

8> Getting My Way by Jivin’ Stodgy White Guys Since 1978

7> Still Not Nearly as Low as Clinton

6> Because “Celebrity Fear Factor” Was Booked

5> I’ll Be Black

4> Elect Me and I’ll Say It Every Day — and You KNOW You Want to Hear Me Say It

3> I’ll Solve the Deficit By Having a Rich White Man Adopt the State

2> Vote For Me, or I’ll Have Todd Put a Cap in Yo’ Ass

1> Hey, Voter! Down here!

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

15. Your new paper boy is 35, wears dark sunglasses, a black suit, an ear piece and carries a semi-automatic.

14. Your new friend Linda starts every conversation with “Testing… 1, 2, 3.”

13. You’re a highly paid White House intern and suddenly, out of the blue, somebody gives you a typing test.

12. You could swear you see Yassir Arafat following you. (Oops! That’s a sign you’re being investigated by *Ringo* Starr.)

11. Your dry cleaners just hired a dozen Secret Service agents and added a hi-tech stain analysis lab.

10. Your best friend from 2nd grade is granted immunity after rumors implicate you in the “paste-eating incident of 1968.”

9. You haven’t been subjected to this many embarrassing leaks since you had that little bladder problem.

8. All of a sudden that video you returned two days late becomes “Ace Ventura-Gate.”

7. The DMV insists you pose for your driver’s license picture nude from the waist down.

6. Jay Leno’s making lame jokes about you and you’re not an Iraqi dictator.

5. You don’t mind your toddler asking for a “detailed account of your unscrupulous business practices” in lieu his usual bedtime story, but you feel downright silly talking into his rattler.

4. You’re the only contributor who’s getting topics like “Top 5 Signs I’ve Made Millions In Shady Land Deals.”

3. Pupils in Lincoln’s portrait dilate a bit when the French Ambassador’s daughter asks you to pass the KY.

2. For a change, Diane Sawyer is camped out in front of your house, instead of vice versa.

1. Since when did Lucky Charms start including “Crunchy Microphones”?

Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in New Jersey ..
… who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents
live in a suburb of Philadelphia, is married to a transvestite. My father and
mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are
currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in
WellingtonBronx and is still a part time “working girl” in a brothel.
Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the
working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our
team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get
them off the street, and hopefully, the heroin habits.
All thing considered, my main problem is this: I love my fianc�e and look
forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally
honest with her.
Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?
Signed, Worried About My Reputation.

Dear Friend,

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five
million dollars for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the hall of fame in
Washington, D. C. The committee was in a quandary as to where to place the
statue. It was not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington,who
never told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill
Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he
was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.

Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the people of Israel, “Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land.”
Nearly 5,000 years later, Roosevelt said, ” Lay down your shovels, sit on your
asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land.”

Now, Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovel, kick your asses, raise the
price of camels, and mortgage the promised land. If you are one of the fortunate
people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a generous
contribution to this worthwhile project. Fraternally,
Bill Clinton Statue Committee

Why did John Kerry get an earring?

Because George Bush got a Dick Chenny!

there was one two mad man one said to another u have seen todays news paper second one tells no why first one tells apne india aur bharat ke bich me ladai hui second one says thank god apna hindustan bich mai nahi aaya……………………………………

Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for his thoughts?A: Change.

God invited Nixon and Brezhnev to come talk to him in heaven. He says each of
them can only ask one question.
“When will the unemployment go down in America?” asks Nixon. “In twenty
years,” answers God. “I regret that it will not happen in your lifetime.”
“And when will the Russian people gain happiness?” asked Brezhnev. God
answered, “I regret that it will not happen in my lifetime!”

George W. Bush was awakened in the middle of the night by an urgent call from Colin Powell who said,”Mr. President, I have good news & bad news. the bad news is that aliens have taken over the world.”
“Holy shit!”
Powell continued,”The good news is the eat democrats and piss oil.”

I think therefore I am (not a Democrat…)

Sources close to President Clinton say he is proposing a new
national anthem for the United States, “Yank my Dandy Doodle!”

Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.