Category: poems

Periods are bad, violets are blue,
why in the hell is she fuckin with you?
she can’t spread her legs,
she won’t give you head.
all you can do
is sit alone in your bed.
You give it a pump, and the once more.
you pumped it so hard, it shot on the floor.
Now you got clean-up to handle yourself,
all because she gives you no help.
You put away your hand puppet
and go back to bed.
with mixed and strange dreams,
that periods are bad!

Why must the beating heart

always choose one amoung

Lovers? The mothers?

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”

With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought…oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude,
Why he didn’t even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at that thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned with despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains
Excite me

I like your style
I like you class
But most of all
I like you ass

Guys are like roses
Watch out for the pricks

You can prick you finger
Just don’t finger you prick

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So put it in

Twatt’s twatt
And that’s that

Eat me
Beat me
Bite me
Blow me
Suck me
Fuck me
Very slowly
If you kiss me
don’t be sassy
Use you tongue
and make it nasty

Mental anxiety
Mental break downs
Menstral cramps
Menopause
Did you ever notice how all women’s problems begin with
MEN?!?!?!?!

I don’t like eating vegatebles.
I don’t like doing choirs.
I don’t like school.
I don’t like soccer.
I don’t like winter.
I don’t like the rain,
But what I really like is to sit here and complain.

1. So your daughter’s a hooker, and it spoiled your day…

Look at the bright side, she’s a really good lay.

2. My tire was thumping…. I thought it was flat….

when I looked at the tire…. I noticed your cat… Sorry

3. You had your bladder removed and you’re on the mends….

here’s a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

4. You’ve announced that you’re gay, won’t that be a laugh,

when they find out you’re one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

7. Heard your wife left you… How upset you must be…

But don’t fret about it …. She moved in with me

8. Your computer is dead… it was once so alive

Don’t you regret installing Windows 95?

9. You totaled your car… and can’t remember why…

could it have been… that case of Bud Dry?

Nat King Cole was a merry ole sole.
A merry ole sole was he. Chew off his tit,
ate his own shit,
and washed it down with some pee.

Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So if at first you don’t succeed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed!

Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll,
Speed and weed and birth control,
First you live and then you die,
So fuck this world and lets get high!

There once was a man from Jurass,
Who’s balls were made out of brass,
He banged them together,
It played stormy weather,
And lighting shot out of his ass!

I believe I could die.
I got fucked by the FBI.
All I wanted was a chicken wing.
I got shot in the dingaling.

I think I’d like to go use the net.
Will it mess up? You bet!
There are too many things loading now.
How slow can it go? Just how?
All the loading is done.
Time for some fun.
Hey, there’s an ICQ mail.
If Netscape messes up NOW, I’ll wail.
Now I’ve got the message, and might want to send one.
I might have some fun!
I click back on Netscape, and somehow the ICQ screen is stuck.
Netscape is a slow as a giant puddle of muck.
I can’t do anything now.
I can? How?
Netscape 4 won’t run,
but I can still have fun.
Time to use old Netscape 3.
Hee Hee Hee!
What? I need a newer browser?
Do you want me to become Bowser?
I can still do some.
But that some is kinda dumb.
At least I can chat,
and eat until I get fat.
Well, I’m having some fun looking at lol-jokes.com now.
It just disconnected. How?
That was bad.
I had about one 10000th the fun I thought I would have had.
So now I know, that I should get MY browser from Microsoft!
It will keep me aloft!

There was once a lonley girl named alic,
Who used a dynamite stick for phallus,
They found her vagina in South Carolina,
and bits of her tits in downtown Dallas.