Category: poems

Here I sit in gassly vapour,
Some dumb fuck used all the paper
No longer will I sit and linger,
Look out asshole, here comes my finger!

I’ve found the perfect lover,
Who could ask for more?
He’s deaf, dumb, oversexed
and owns a liquor store.

They are wicked they are mean
They make you clean
They embarrass you
They dress you
They clean your face with spit
Snap your underwear in a public place
And then they wonder
Why did I get a fifty cent brithday gift
Most can not cook
So you sit and look
But you can’t leave
Till you eat the last pea
But worst of all
They mak you go to school
Don’t you love your mom?

This is a place to spill your guts,
Not a place to bust your nuts.
Keep it nice, keep it neat,
Go someplace else to beat your meat.

Roses are red
Vilotes are blue
I hope you love me
Because I love you

I live on earth,
He lives in space
I booted his ass there when
he shoved his dick in
my face

There was a young lady in Reno

Who lost all her dough playing Keno.

But she lay on her back

And opened her crack,

And now she owns the casino.

Math mocks muddle your mind,
English exams exhaust the ego,
French phrases fizzle your fibers,
Technology tests tease through time,
Science suffers a straining cerebrum, geography generally juggles GCSE’s
Finally physics fails your finals

There is a sensation,
That starts with a conversation.
Turns into a temptation,
And ends with an operation.
When a boy sticks his dictation,
Into a girl’s combination.
To make a foundation,
And increase the population.
So then you need a demonstration,
For your education.

There was once a policeman
Who stood at a junction
His organ had long seased to function
So every night he fooled his wife
By the clever use of his trunction

Women love the word “forever,”
Only because you misinterpret it.
Forever means nothing more than this:
“Until you start to get on my nerves.”

She may tell you you’re cute.
But just remember.
Babies and Bunnies are cute,
Men are handsome.

She might say I don’t need your help.
But don’t let this fool you,
She just doesn’t want to admit
That she’s only in it for the money.

At some point she’ll probably say she’s happy.
But of course she’s happy!
She’s got you wrapped around one finger
While pressing the “Buy” button with the other.

So later on when she says “I love you,”
Think to yourself,
“We’re together forever, she’s happy,
I’m cute, and she doesn’t need my help.”

Her body was dressed in lace.
She was nice exept for her face.
With her bucked teeth and her double chin,
It was hard to see the beauty within.

I fancied a bit of a gropin’
So she spread her legs open,
The awfull stench
that came from the wench,
made my head whirl
So much I wanted to hurl.

Her tits began to sag,
She started to nag.
So I decided to leave,
Coz I realy needed to breathe!

As far as our relationship went, this was the end.
She drove me ’round the bend.
Now I have a girl that’s good lukin’,
And I’m never short of a good fuckin’!