Category: poems

Roll, roll, roll the joint,
Twist it at the end,
Take a suck,
And you’ll be fucked,
Then pass it to a freind!

Sung to the tune of the Irish Washerwoman:

Para-dimethyl-amino-benzaldahide,
powdered aluminum, sodium cyanide,
chromates, permanganates, nitrates galore;
just swallow one sip and you’ll never need more.

Tequila and wiskey and rum are too tame.
Oh, the stuff that I drink must explode into flame.
When I breathe I dissolve all the paint in the room,
and shatter the walls with an earth-shaking boom.

Got gassed up last night on some furfural alcohol.
Followed it up with a gallon of propanol.
Tanked up on hydrozene ’til afternoon,
then spat on the floor and blew up the saloon!

Para-dimethyl-amino-benzaldahide;
go soak your head in a good, strong insectacide.
Follow it up with a dose of benzene,
and top off the tank with tri-chloro-ethene.

Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your tummy grow?
Ask Tommy Tucker,
the little fucker,
hes the one that should know.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
And now it went to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

When I see Shit,
I have A Fit,
Cuz when it comes out of my ass,
It has this gas,
and i start to die,
but then i cry

Roses are red,

Pickles are green

I love your legs

and whats between

Kissing is a habit

Fucking is a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

The guy says i love you

You belive its true

But when your tummy

starts to swell,

He says ‘to hell with you’

10 minutes of pleasure

9 monthes in pain

3 days in hospital

A baby without a name

The baby is a bastard

The mother is a whore

This never would have happened

If the rubber wouldnt have torn

Roses are red,

Violets are corny,

When i think of you

Ohh baby i get horny,

Eat me,

Beat me,

Bite me,

Blow me,

Suck me,

Fuck me,

Very slowly,

if you kiss me,

dont be sassy,

Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 1
=————————————–

Some people come to sit and think.
Others come to shit and stink.
I come here to rest my balls and
Read the words upon the walls.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 2
=————————————–

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Here I sit in the misty vapor.
Someone stole the toilet paper.
I cannot wait, I cannot linger,
Watch out ass, here comes the finger!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 3
=————————————–

Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I’m out of paper

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 4
=————————————–

Some people are poor
While others are rich
But a shithouse poet
Is a son of a bitch

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 5
=————————————–

The painters work is all in vain
The shithouse poet strikes again

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 6
=————————————–

Here I sit in stinking vapor
Some son of a bitch stole the paper!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 7
=————————————–

Here I sit
Cheeks a flexin’
Squeezin’ out
Another Texan.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 8
=————————————–

To the shithouse poet
When he should die,
There should be erected,
Broad and high,
For his cunning
And for his wit,
A solid monument of shit.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 9
=————————————–

When this tiolet cleaner finally dies,
He will find erected in the skies,
A tribute to his glorious wit,
A monument of solid shit.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 10
=————————————–

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 11
=————————————–

Better that
Than take a chance,
Costs more than a dime
To launder pants.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 12
=————————————–

You’re lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 13
=————————————–

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 14
=————————————–

Here I sit
And contemplate.
Should I shit
Or masturbate?

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 15
=————————————–

Here I sit in dull repose,
That fart you left still burns my nose.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 16
=————————————–

It makes me wonder, to see such wit,
If Shakespeare had been here to shit.
Some swear they saw Shakespeare walk in,
But others say that fart was Bacon.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 17
=————————————–

No matter how you move
Or how you dance,
The last drop always winds up
In your pants.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 18
=————————————–

Give me a muff with thighs on both sides
That’s furry and pink all covered with stink;
I don’t even care if it’s old or it’s new,
Cause what the hell, it’s something to screw.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 19
=————————————–

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls…

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 20
=————————————–

People who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read their words of wit,
Eat those little balls of shit.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 21
=————————————–

Here I sit, buns a-flexin,
Just gave birth to another Texan

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 22
=————————————–

Here I sit
On the pooper,
Giving birth
To another state trooper.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 23
=————————————–

(seen during the height of the Iranian/U.S. hostage crisis)

Here I sit, buns a-strainin’
Just gave birth to another Iranian

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 24
=————————————–

Here I sit, so broken hearted
Paid my dime and only farted.
Yesterday though,
I took a chance,
Saved my dime,
But shit my pants.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 25
=————————————–

Here I sit, so broken hearted,
Paid my dime and only farted.
First a push, then a squeeze,
And out it came like melted cheese.
Then I had some prunes to eat,
And now there’s shit up to the seat.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 26
=————————————–

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro Fire Department
want’s you.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 27
=————————————–

(written high upon the wall above a urinal)
Don’t look up here, the joke’s in your hand.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 28
=————————————–

Written above a urinal:

You hold in your hands your family’s future.

-= bathroom rhymes and graffiti =-= 29
=————————————–

Seen above a urinal:
If you think some people are gay, look at what you’re holding!

More like: Peoms that are sung by drunks;

Doh! A beer! I want a beer….
Ray, the guy who buys me beer.
Me, the guy who Ray buys beer…
Far, the way to go for beer.
So, I think I’ll have a beer…
La, la la la la la la.
Tea? No thanks I’ll have a beer…
And that brings us back to Doh! doh! doh! doh!

K.C. Jones was a mean son of bitch
drove his train in the sewer ditch
Couldn’t swim couldnt float
199 turds went dow his throat
had 99 women lined up against the wall
said god lord help me I am going to bang them all
bang 98 backed off
jacked off
and banged the other one

A Whole Nude World
by Caleb Harrelson
Sung to the theme of Aladdin (A whole new world)

!Aladdin!
I can show you my penis,
Big and sparkling and splendid,
I can make it extended
On my magic mattress ride.
I can open your thighs,
Rock your body like thunder,
Over, sideways, and under
On my magic mattress ride.

A whole nude world,
A new fantastic way to screw,
Everyone tells me “no,”
I need a blow,
So I can start my screaming.

!Jasmine!
A whole nude world,
My sizzling space you never knew,
But when you’re way down there,
Engrossed in hair,
Now I’m in a whole nude world with you.

!Aladdin!
Now I’m in a whole nude world with you.

!Jasmine!
Unbelievable size,
Indescribable squealing,
Leaning, bending, and kneeling
At my moist and gaping thighs.
A whole nude world

!Aladdin!
Don’t you dare close your thighs

!Jasmine!
A hundred thousand sperm in me

!Aladdin!
Hold your breath– it gets better

!Jasmine!
I’m like a shooting star,
I’ve come so far,
I can’t go back to my virginity.

!Aladdin!
A whole nude world

!Jasmine!
Every thrust of your thighs

!Aladdin!
With new positions we can screw

!Jasmine!
Every moment gets wetter

!Both!
I’ll lick you anywhere,
Hey, I don’t care,
Let me share this whole nude world with you.

!Aladdin!
A whole nude world

!Jasmine!
A whole nude world

!Aladdin!
That’s where we’ll be

!Jasmine!
That’s where we’ll be

!Aladdin!
A thrilling taste

!Jasmine!
Of my hot place

!Both!
To you from me.

When I die, I want to go
Peacefully Like my Grandfather
did, In his Sleep————-
Not like the screaming
Passengers in his Car.

1. So your daughter’s a hooker, and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side, it’s really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat.

When I looked at the tire. I noticed your cat.

Sorry

3. You had your bladder removed and you’re on the mends.

Here’s a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

4. You’ve announced that you’re gay, won’t that be a laugh,

when they find out you’re one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

5. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!

Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.

6. Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be.

But don’t fret about it. She moved in with me

7. You totaled your car. And can’t remember why.

Could it have been That whole case of Bud Dry?