Category: one liners

Do you know what a Yankee is?Same as a quickie, except you’re by yourself

Whatever misfortune may be your lot,
it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

-National Lampoon’s Deteriorota

Slogans for women’s T-shirts:
� I’m out of estrogen – I have a gun.

� Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

� I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

� Next mood swing: six minutes.

� And your point is?

� I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re OK now.

� I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

� Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

� Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

� Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

� I’m multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.

� Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

� You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP

� All stressed out and no one to choke.

� I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

� How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

� Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

� Objects under this shirt are larger than they appear.

The Pentagon is a building with four walls and a spare.

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot?

Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Why do “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
A: Dam

What do you call a couple who uses the rhythm method of birth control?

Parents.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom when he asked her out and she said no?

Why not? I’m a fungi!

Submitted by Curtis

A guy walked into a bar and said “ouch”.

Q. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.