Category: one liners

A closed mouth gathers no foot in the ass.

Blow your mind – smoke dynamite.

I don’t think so, therefore I’m probably not.

– Alan Smithee

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

“Little boy, I don’t care if your dog can talk. Please
tell him this is a Tardis, not a Way-Back Machine”.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?Why does sour cream have an Expiration date?Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress?Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Don’t argue with an idiot!

People watching may not be able to tell the difference.

The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.

Q: If a crocodile makes shoes what does a banana make?

A: Slippers.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

When I was a kid, I never played doctor with the girl next door. I used to play comedian with the girl next door. It’s just like doctor, but with a lot more fooling around.