Category: one liners

What do Rubick’s Cubes and penises have in common?The more you play with them, the harder they get.

A cop pulls over a guy.

“Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?”

“Gee, officer,” the man says. “Your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

An older couple had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years.

To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.

She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.”

“But, madam!”, replied the bellman.

“Don’t ‘But madam’ me,” she continued. “You can’t treat us like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much, and we’ve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager.”

“Madam,” the bellman said, “this isn’t your room, this is the elevator!”

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Tantilazing

Lorena Bobbit for Surgeon General.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

What do you call lice on a bald man’s head? Homeless.

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in dirt, and then comes back?

A dirty double crosser.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Q. What do you call cheese thats not yours?
A. notcho(not your) cheese

Yo mamma is so ugly, two rapist broke into her house.
She screamed “RAPE!!!” They yelled “NO!!!” and ran out the door

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.