Category: one liners

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?They like a tight seal.

Q: What’s the difference between light and hard?

A: You can sleep with a light on.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

The careful application of terror is also a form of
communication.

Draft beer, not people!

What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?

The Scenic Route.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?

Depth perception.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

For your convenience our staff is fluent in monosyllabic grunts.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t
looking good either.

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?