Category: one liners

Advertising is just telling lies to attract shoplifters.

“RAM disk” is not an installation procedure.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me.

A friend is someone who will help you move your furniture.
A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.

Smile…. It confuses people!

Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.

Q: What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?
A: A robber snatches watches.

I don’t repeat gossip. So listen carefully…

If you don’t have someone tracking you down you haven’t exhausted your
credit options.

Never pass a snow plow on the right.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)