Category: one liners

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Did you hear about the duck who went into the drugstore?
He told the pharmacist, “Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill”.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Q: What’s the first problem the Michael’s child will have in life?

A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees.
There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling
because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way
they do?

In order to keep an open mind,
I am trying to avoid learning anything.

Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.

Q: Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Cuz every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Seems like they’re working on a sequel to the movie ‘The Abyss’.

Rumor has it that they’re going to call it, ‘Son of Abyss’.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Snow White saw Pinocchio through the woods, so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back and then sat on his face crying, ‘Lie to me! Lie to me!’

And Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in the divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, ‘You say here that your wife is crazy?’
Mickey replied, ‘No I didn’t. I said she is f***ing Goofy.’

Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.