Category: one liners

Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.

The town was so small the only way to get there was on a Lionel Train.

What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A tea bag.

The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence
has a limit.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

I don’t care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because that’s a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

You’re all bruised. What happened?

I called my girl friend a two-bit whore and she hit me with a bag of quarters.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent

I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

History does not repeat itself, — historians merely repeat each other.

What did Bob Dole reply when asked if he preferred boxers or briefs?

“Depends.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo