Category: one liners

It’s not true that oysters make good aphrodisiacs. I tried a dozen once and
only six of them worked!

Stay away from hurricanes for a while.

What happens if a woman puts her panties on backwards?

She gets her ass chewed out.

Patience will come to one who waits for it.
– Richard Lauterback
Moffett Naval Air Station, CA

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

Friends are like a head of hair.

You might lose some, but with enough money you can buy them back.

Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?

So people won’t know he’s fucking chickens!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

I may be 25, but I have the intelligence of a 27-year old.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was assaulted.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Yo mamma is so big. The people that live near her put up signs “Free Whale Watching!”