Category: one liners

What can you say about a society that says
God is dead and Elvis is alive?

Procrastinate now!

What’s twenty feet long and smells like urine? A crowd of old people line dancing.

Don’t think of it as overwhelming numbers, think of it as a wide selection
of targets.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Cold? Decorators have created a new interior decorating style, “modern igloo”.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are
taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just
never go away.

Q: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.

Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish.

Poor sole!

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

1) Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana!
2) Life sucks …. and then you die!
3) What are you gonna do for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?!
4) If life is so perfect why are you still here?!
5) Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
and so are you,
but the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl is empty,
and so is your head.

If a donkey is an ass and a sheep is a ram, how come a ram in the ass is
a goose?