Category: one liners

What�s the difference between worry and panic?

About 28 days.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

The odds are a million to one
against my being one in a million.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

If I didn’t have to work so hard,
I’d have more time to be depressed.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
– Proverb

Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?It changes their blood type.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

You are wasting your time.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?

A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Taxation with representation isn’t so hot, either.

Q: Do you know what the height of mixed emotions is?
A: Watching your mother-in- law go over a cliff in your brand-new Mercedes.