Category: one liners

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they
still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison lightbulb so it’ll be aesthetically accurate.

If you throw a kitten out the window does it become Kitty Litter?

A bass drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

Ba dum dum CHING!

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

In fact, it was so hot in Washington, people were standing behind President Bush just to get the breeze from all the backpedaling.

Why can’t you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

Q Why did the condom fly across the room?
A It got pissed off!!!

I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Genetics explain why you look like your father
and if you don’t why you should.

The idea is to die young as late as possible.