Category: one liners

Why are so many animals named after cars?

Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

Procrastinate now!

Today is the last day of your life so far.

I’ve told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating.

They say if you build a better mouse trap, the world will beat down your
door. But usually, it’s just one neighbor, and he’ll probably quit once
you stop throwing dead mice in his yard.

– Dave James

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real
world.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are YOU shaking for? She’s going to eat me!

Why are tornadoes and marriage alike?

They both start with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you always lose your house.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

And then Budda says to the hot dog vendor:
“Make me one with everything.”

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.