Category: one liners

What do fat women and mopeds have in common?They’re both fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to see either one.

I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section.

When someone asks me where is the Bath section I say ‘It’s Beyond Me.

-Jay London

Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?

TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis

Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: They all have phones.

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?

He put it on.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.

Time wounds all heals.

In the gloom they told me “cheer up, it could be worse.”
They were right – I did and it was.

Ever wonder about people who are willing to get off their
ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to
the TV and change the channel manually?

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.