Category: one liners

Q: How is a Porquipine different from a BMW?
A: A Porqupine has the pricks on the outside.

Inner Peace Through Materialism.

If fire-fighters fight fires, what do Freedom Fighters do?

We have enough youth – how about a fountain of smart?

What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus (your anus) in search of Klingons (cling-ons).

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way,
when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your
fingernails across it until he hangs up.

The new IRS motto: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.”

A picture is worth a thousand words, but try saying that with a picture.

Push, Pull or Get Outta the Way.

If you can’t learn to do it well,
learn to enjoy doing it badly.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

How to speak about women and be politically correct: She is not a babe or a chick; She is a breasted person. She is not a bleached blonde; she is peroxide dependent. She is not a bad cook;she is microwave compatible. She does not wear too much jewelry; she is metallically overburdened.She is not conceited; she is intimately aware of her best qualities.She does not want to be married; she wants to lock you in domestic incarceration.She does not gain weight; she is a metabolic under-achiever.She is not a screamer or a moaner; she is vocally appreciative.She is not easy; she is horizontally accessible.She does not tease or flirt;she engages in artificial stimulation.She is not dumb;she is a detour off the information super-highway.She is not too skinny; she is skeletally prominent.She does not have a moustache; she is in touch with her masculine side.She has not been around; she is a previously enjoyed companion.She does not wear too much perfume; she commits fragrance abuse.She does not get you excited; she causes temporary blood displacement.She is not kinky; she is a non-inhibited sexual companion.She does not have a killer body;she is terminally attractive.She does not go shopping; she is mall fluent.She is not an airhead; she is reality impaired.She does not get drunk or tipsy; she gets chemically inconvenienced.She does not get fat or chubby; she achieves maximum density. She is not cold or frigid; she is thermally inaccessible. She is not horny; she is sexually focused.She does not wear too much make-up;she has reached cosmetic saturation.She does not have breast implants; she is gravity resistant. She does not nag you; she becomes verbally repetitive.She is not a slut; she is sexually extroverted. She is not loose; she is morally impaired. She does not have major league hooters; she is pectorally superior.She does not have thin lips; she is collagen depleted.