Category: one liners

I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar!

Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:
the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
thing-in-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge group.

The unabashed dictionary defines ‘deja moo’ as the feeling you get when you’ve heard the same bullshit before.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Everything is controlled by a small evil group

to which, unfortunately, nobody I know belongs.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

How do you make two pounds of fat better?Add a nipple.

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Megasoreass

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

Things are getting so bad that 60 minutes is investigating 20/20.

Did you hear about the gynecologist who left his profession because he could never see eye to eye with his patients?