Category: one liners

When all else fails, read the instructions.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist… she did everybody else!

-Jay London

Why is the space between a women’s tits and hips called a waist?

Because you could put another pair of tits there.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

I can resist everything except temptation.

If something doesn’t absolutely, positively have to be there tomorrow,
you can always hang on to it until it does.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King didn’t cover his ‘Whopper’.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: What is the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
A: One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?

One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how
close you came to getting hit.
If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.