Category: one liners

I’m not as dumb as you look.

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself,
hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

Do you mind if I smoke?

I don’t care if you burst into flames and die.

I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous
meeting, but they wouldn’t tell me
where it was.

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.

The grave of Karl Marx is just another communist plot.

Q: What has 128 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row in a BSB concert.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Only the good die young, and only the young die good.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

I’ve found the secret of happiness –
total disregard of everybody.

-Ashleigh Brilliant