Category: one liners

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket
signs?

How are pubic hairs like parsley?

You push them aside before you eat.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car….

There are three kinds of people in the world – those who can count and those who can’t.

Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69-ing?

A: Odor eaters.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Did you hear about Michael Jackson?

He thought Boyz II Men was a delivery service.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

If I can survive death,
I can probably survive anything.

-Ashleigh Brilliant