Category: one liners

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like
they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting
for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

Q. Why don�t witches wear underwear?

A. To get a better grip on the broom!

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Charles Manson has released a statement from prison on hearing Jackson was acquitted, “Thank God we won’t be in the same cell together, that guy is nuts.”

Two muffins are in a toaster oven, first muffin says: “Boy, its hot in here” second muffin says, “I don’t believe it, a talking muffin!”

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

There is nothing wrong with you that couldn’t be cured by cosmetic surgery.

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.