Category: one liners

An appendix is something found in the back of a book.
Sometimes they get in people and have to be taken out.

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

Beer. If you can’t taste it, why bother!

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I’ve found my dog. Then
I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff.
Dog people sure don’t have a sense of humor.

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

When VW Rabbits first came out, they still had a lot of “bug”s in them.

Height of Patience:
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence:
A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.

Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgust:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Technology:
A condom with a zip.

Height of Trouble:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.

What’s the difference between the government and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.

Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants but none of the offspring
survived.

–MAD magazine, circa 1960

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I’d take the nothing…

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

I can tell you’re lying. Your lips are moving.