Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Well, aren’t we just a ray of f***ing sunshine? Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth? Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. This isn’t an office; it’s hell with fluorescent lighting. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me. Therapy is expensive; popping bubble-wrap is cheap. You choose. I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.And your crybaby, whiny-arsed opinion would be…? See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. Allow me to introduce myselves. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Better living through denial. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Category: one liners
Time is the best teacher;
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
When I hear on the
When I hear on the news about someone being killed “execution style,” it
makes me wonder what other styles there are.
– Blair Bostick
Blenders
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo
“The floggings will continue until
“The floggings will continue until morale ‘improves’.
Yo momma U-G-L-Y!
You mom is so ugly that when she walked out of a pet store, the alarm went off!
Insults 3
People clap when they see you – their hands over their eyes or ears.
People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect
but you are doing all right.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
others.
Please breathe the other way. You’re bleaching my hair.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
On the other hand, Rome
On the other hand, Rome was burnt in a day.
Everything is controlled by a
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
Frog croak
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. “If you hold their little heads under water long enough”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Michael got off
Michael got off. Of course a lot of people were incredibly happy about the verdict.
None of them children…
Stay up
What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci