Category: one liners

The more I get to know people, the better I like animals.

Microsoft is to software what McDonalds is to gourmet cooking

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?

Drumsticks for everybody!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

What do you call an advanced degree in sensationalistic journalism?

A doctor-it degree.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
A: Well hung!

I bought some batteries but they were not included,
so I had to buy them again.

If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers,
a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon,
and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Anyone who says, “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.

Fast food makes you sick quick.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

How can one believe in survival of the fittest when you look at some of the people running around in jogging shorts?

Mind over matter… if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.