Category: one liners

What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.

Never hold your farts in.

They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that’s where you get shitty ideas from.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

There are three kinds of people in the world – those who can count and those who can’t.

How many people do you know who have actually READ their entire
insurance policy and are prepared to discuss it intelligently?

-Richard Guindon

Beware of what you want. You may get it.

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?

A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since
nobody listens.

I like the open road, but not the open plumbing.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a
bank robbery has just taken place.

What is 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1?

Bo Derek getting older.

Q: Why don’t witches wear underwear?

A: So they can get a better grip on their brooms!

Submitted by Curtis

Q. What does an aboriginie call a sheet of corigated iron?
A. A doona!