Category: one liners

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

” Hire a teenage while they still know everything,”

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not
be caught dead in otherwise.

Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, two… one, two, three, four!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.

Question: What’s E.T. short for?

Answer: Because he has little legs!

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Q-What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A-How are we suposed to find an egg in all of this shit?

I came up with a great way to never lose money when I go to Las Vegas…

I keep playing the change machine!

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggy’ until you can find a rock.