If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
If you lick the air, does it get wet?
Category: one liners
It’s not hard to meet
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
Never hit a man with
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier.
Breed
What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?
Bullshit.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
A computer’s attention span is
A computer’s attention span is as long as it’s power cord.
Salman Rushdie plans to release
Salman Rushdie plans to release another book soon.
It’s tentatively titled, “Buddah, You Fat Slob”.
This place looks like the
This place looks like the wizard of oz on mesciline.
Vice Presidents
How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.
Bumper Sticker #117
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
Top reason for sleep
“Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!”
“Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.”
“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
“Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.”
“This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.”
“Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper”
“I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!”
“This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!”
“I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance”
“It worked well for Reagan, didn’t it?”
“Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!”
“I was working smarter-not harder.”
“Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”
“I’m in the management training program.”
“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.”
“Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!”
“Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!”
“It’s okay… I’m still billing the client.”
And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
“…and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!”
All my life I said
All my life I said I wanted to be someone…
I can see now that I should have been more specific.
Replacement
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.