Category: one liners

Never sell a bear skin before catching the bear.

Where there’s a will… I want to be on it.

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Happiness is a positive cash flow.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea?

It gets wet.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you are angry with him/her.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Pre-natal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s dummy by boiling it and to your last baby’s dummy by blowing on it.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: To whine in words.

Whodunnit: None of the kids that live in your house.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Q: What is the ultimate rejection ?
A: Your hand falls asleep while masterbating.

If there was a bi-sexual pride parade, would it go both ways?

My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

Doc,” said the husband, “I got nine kids and the wife’s expecting again. How do I stop the stork?”

The doctor replied, “Shoot it in the air!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing