Category: one liners

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?A bingo machine.

I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to
accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.

Knowledge was never known to enter the head via an open mouth.

Waiter to customer: “Our specialty is snails.”

“I know. One of them served me the last time I was here!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

What do women and tornados have in common?

They both scream before they come and they take everything with them when they leave.

Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Two muffins were in an oven. The first muffin says “boy…its hot in here”
The 2nd muffins says, “Holy s**t a talking muffin”

Your photographs do you an injustice. They all look like you!

How do porcupines make love?

Very carefully.

Submitted by Calamjo
EDited by Glaci

Q: What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit??
A: “Are you gonna eat that??”