Category: one liners

Death is an acquired trait.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
“So many channels. . .
So little choice.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?No one to talk to during orgasm.

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One says ribbit, ribbit, the other one says rub it, rub it!

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: Why are Michael Jackson’s pants so small?

A: Because they aren’t his!

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why does sour cream have an Expiration date?

Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

What do toys and womens breasts have in common?They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.